I Didn’t Know How to Love

Knightley Photography

I just had to share another post in light of Valentines tomorrow. I love this holiday. Can you tell? Well, I wanted to share a little journey I’ve been on the last 7 years. Maybe you can relate and connect with my story.  Hopefully it will encourage you, especially those of you who are not particularly excited about tomorrow.

When I first got married at almost 21, a reality hit me. I realized that I didn’t know how to love someone. I began to see that it was more than a feeling more than an emotion, but I still didn’t know what it truly meant.


When I became a mother, a short year later, I unknowingly started to understand what it was as I sacrificed my time, my sleep, my everything for my sweet little Emma. But it wasn’t until I had the marital status of separated, that the “veil” began to fall from my eyes.

Photo by: Naomi Nadeen Photography

I have learned so much in these last two years of single parenting about love. I’ve experienced very special moments in which the blessing of love, the pouring out of myself for another, is revealed to me. These moments are so sweet in which the tangible emotions of love combine with an eternal perspective that only God gives. There is peace and rest in this moment. I think of the times when I see my little daughter begin to understand what it means to follow Jesus, and I am blessed.

I’ve also learned that love is a choice not a feeling. I’ve learned that love can be mundane and ordinary. It can be doing the jobs of laundry, cooking, cleaning and all that it entails for me to provide a good life for my children. It can be disciplining and teaching, for the 10th time, my son Cole who’s entered the challenging age of 2.

Photo by Naomi Nadeen Photography

I’ve learned that love can be downright painful. It can be exhausting. It can be committing to loving through this day and not thinking about the energy that seems unfathomable to continue tomorrow. It means saying I’m sorry to my kids for the third time that day because I lost my patience. Yes, forgiveness I believe is an integral part of loving because it’s the only way of correcting our love “mishaps” and even the moments where we absolutely make a mess of the meaning of love. But forgiveness, I’ve seen, can do miracles in love.  

Photo by Naomi Nadeen Photography

I’ve learned most importantly that love doesn’t come naturally. It must be learnt. It must be grown. It only comes from Jesus Christ, who in His own nature, is the whole essence of love. As I draw near to Him, I see His love slowly take it’s root in my heart.

Photo by Knightley Photography

I have so much to come to understand, but there is hope in my heart, to begin to have an answer for this mystery we call love. I now see that it’s found in the mundane, the painful, as well as sweet, joyful moments. It’s deeply met on the other side of forgiveness, sacrifice, and selflessness. It’s beautiful; it’s messy and yet quite glorious, for in it heaven touches earth.

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Photo by Shannon Seckel

4 thoughts on “I Didn’t Know How to Love

  1. I love this post! Thanks for your openness and your honesty. You’re such an encouragement to me, and I pray for you and yours often. I’m glad to see how God has been working in your life and growing you, dear sister. Much love.


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